What I Learned from Elaine Welteroth's "More Than Enough"

Photo courtesy of People.com

I was introduced to the incredible force that is Elaine Welteroth through an episode of Black-ish. If you're an "ish" fan like me (Black-ish, Grown-ish, the other "ish"...), I'm sure you know which one I'm referring to. On said episode, Yara Shahidi's character, Zoey, landed an internship at Teen Vogue where Elaine played herself - a powerful, poised, no-nonsense editor-in- chief that everyone wanted to impress. She had big, beautiful hair - and I couldn't shake the feeling that I had heard this woman's name before this, had seen her somewhere as well. I realized later while reading the book, that back when I was going through a time of trying to figure out what to do with my life (I decided on writing for a magazine - ultimately becoming its editor-in-chief...not my best idea, because we all know print is declining), I did research and she popped up. I found her LinkedIn page, briefly looked over her journey, and never thought about it again. Until December 31, 2019, that is. I was in Target trying to find the best book to start my 2020 with, and this gem caught my eye. TBH: I'm so incredibly happy I read it. Not only is it timely - its timeless. As someone who used to be a little girl that colored the princesses in her coloring book white - and then had a moment of consciousness (couldn't understand why I was making my princesses white when I'm brown) - I could relate to Elaine doing the same when she was younger. As a young woman who often felt out of place, and questioned myself in my graduate program, I could relate to Elaine feeling out of place at her Oglivy internship. As a current professional in corporate America dealing with office politics, being black AND a woman, and the tricky bit that is work-life balance - I can relate to the struggles and successes in her most recent chapter with Teen Vogue. This book contains so many gems and details events that parallel happenings in my own life. Now, I'm sharing what I absolutely loved about it with you, with the hope that you (black, white or otherwise) will pick up the book as well.

Three major themes that stood out to me:

1. Working Hard

2. Making Time for Yourself

3. Self-Love

Sounds simple, and just like the formula that every other self-help book uses to reel readers in, doesn't it? Except - this isn't a self-help book - it reads more like a love letter. And I have never felt more seen until I read it.

About working hard: Elaine admits in the book that she is a workaholic, and without her doing so, it's abundantly apparent - the strides she made from college to climbing the Conde Nast ladder are unreal. I'm no workaholic (I take ALL my vacation and sick days, hunny), but I definitely do my best with whatever task I'm given. I strive to understand what's delegated to me, and I always put my best foot forward so no one can tell me I don't deserve the rewards and self-satisfaction that come with a job well done. To this end - though Elaine encourages the reader to set goals and work hard to reach them, she also encourages us to not get comfortable. The pinnacles you reach in life aren't the end, but instead a set-up for a new beginning. An entirely new journey for you to navigate - one with a new set of struggles and successes. So when you get there, look back and appreciate where you've been and what you've accomplished. Take a deep breath, live in the moment - appreciating where you are now. And then, look towards the future with excitement (and maybe fear. That's okay too!). I'm sure you know this, but you HAVE to work hard to get to wherever it is you want to be in life. There are NO shortcuts, and if you take one, you're only cheating yourself - because the process is what makes you grow.

"An iron-willed woman can do anything she puts her mind to." - Elaine Welteroth

About making time for yourself: Don't forget to take care of yourself. We work our asses off for accolades - we want all the awards. We want to impress executives at work...we also want to impress our family members - and to what end? Yes, do the best with whatever task you're given (I'm a firm believer that when you show God you can be trusted with a little, He gives you A LOT), but don't kill yourself. It's 100% true that if you die at work, someone will step over your body to clock you out (Ok.. Maybe not this dramatic, but the point is, they'll waste no time in replacing you!). So - TAKE YOUR SICK DAYS. DON'T FORGET TO EAT. SCHEDULE YOUR LIFE AROUND YOUR WORK - NOT THE REVERSE. And as long as you are personally doing the best you can, don't sweat the small stuff. Have a coworker giving you a rough time? A client stressing you out? Well, are you doing your best? Yes? Ok then, don't internalize the negativity - let it roll off your shoulders.

There was a point in the book where Elaine talked about how neglecting herself began to manifest physically for her - she constantly had to pee due to stress. She wasn't eating right and consistently missed hanging out with her friends. She had issues with sleep - but all the while she was killing it at the office, and none of us looking in from the outside would have known. What's the point in killing it in the workplace, when you can't even be present for your own life?

Pro tip: Find activities outside of the office that excite you. Read, write, go to the gym. If the gym isn't your thing - take a dance class and get your blood pumping! If you’re working in a stressful position, try your best to not talk about work outside of the office. Leave the stress and pressure at the door.

"In business, no matter how much value you bring, you will always be disposable." - Elaine Welteroth

About loving yourself: Two things I really want to hit on here: Do NOT wait on a man to validate you, and do NOT give in to imposter syndrome, EVER. You're in that classroom or that job because you deserve to be, so don't let anyone take that from you.

As evidenced in those first few sentences, I believe this theme from the book really centers around two areas: relationships and being comfortable in your own skin. I've been guilty of deriving my worth from relationships - I've always wanted my partner to make me happy or validate certain things about me, instead of giving that job to myself. Elaine, a woman who followed her high school sweetheart to a state University and gave up Stanford, is here to tell you that even the women at the top have shortcomings in this area just like the rest of us. In relationships (and also every other situation), know what you want and deserve - don't settle. If you don't know what you want, then its simple: the issue is you don't know yourself. So, take the time and space to get there.

Additionally, we need to get comfortable in our skin. As cliche as it may sound, the attributes that make us different, are also what make us all beautiful. The big, kinky hair, the braids, the pixie cuts, the slim to the slim thick to the thicc™ body type... the long nails, the southern drawl, the introvert, the extrovert, the introverted-extrovert (hi!), the white complexion, the light complexion, the honey-skin, the mocha-skin or the dark chocolate - its all beautiful. I'm personally so happy that I had my own little moment of awakening when I was younger. As I mentioned, there was actually a period of time where I would only purchase white dolls. I would also color my princesses white - I caught my self intentionally doing these things one day, and asked myself why. I couldn't answer it back then, but I know now that the reason was - that's what I was surrounded by. Tiana wasn't yet a Disney princess, and whenever I turned on my TV - besides Beyonce and Raven-Symone - I was engulfed by whiteness. Deep down, I equated whiteness to beauty. But I decided I wanted to do things that reflected my reality - and I went from white Barbie dolls to black Barbie dolls, and from Barbies to BRATZ. And all of my beloved Disney princesses started to look like me too. 😊 We all need to make a conscious decision just like that - to love ourselves, until it becomes a subconscious reality.

"What I know now is that when we derive our worth from the relationships in our lives-the intimate ones, the social circles we belong to, the companies we work for-we give away our power and become dependent upon external validation. When that is taken away, our sense of value, and identity, goes with it." - Elaine Welteroth

There were so many topics touched on in the book: from the internal struggle many mixed-race kids face in our society, to colorism in the Black community...from mentally abusive relationships, to corporate America..what it means to have unwavering faith - and so much more. My take: I truly think any woman can, and will, benefit from reading this. As a woman: it will inspire you to take charge of your life in every way. If you're a woman of color, it lets you know that you're not alone. And if you aren't a woman of color, it definitely helps to shed a light on issues some of your friends may have, or have had, that they don't talk about. At any rate, it will help you to become a better ally.

And if you love quotes, the book is FULL of them.

As I end the blog post here, I leave you with this:

"This [is] a reminder that there is a divine order, a divine flow to our lives. We don't  need to have all the answers. But our job is to keep dreaming and trusting enough to put one foot in front of the other. To keep moving forward. To keep pushing beyond whatever feels confining. To keep searching for where the magic is. To continue expanding, staying open to being stretched. And allowing room to be completely awed by how much better it gets along the way." - Elaine Welteroth